tryna get a beagle

Im tryna get a beagle,
Some how, it wont be legal,
Cuz Im renting this place,
Prolly gon get sent to space,
Look at me, being such a waste,
Look at you, eating that paste,
Come up to me, why the haste?
Afraid imma punch you in the face?
Tie it up, tie it with lace,
That noose around your neck,
Youre the one whos really a wreck,
In a truck spinning and tipping - outta control,
On a blackened sheet of ice,
Too bad you never learned to play nice,
I got your throat in my grasp like a vice,
Are you really being wise? Im tired of your lies,
Always gotta retaliate, you shouldnt dare,
Im a bitch that really doesnt care,
When im done with you,
Youll barely be walking,
In your shit stained underwear!

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to the one i loved

im flipping out,
im going nuts,
ive never missed someone this much,
its like you're dead,
whats wrong with my head,
and everywhere i turn,
you haunt.
Youre my ghost, my demon,
And I hate that you're gone.
Youre more than just a pawn,
I should never have screamed,
"Get the fuck off my lawn"
This is where you belong,
with me and my bong,
With you, I wanna be hI,
Stop telling me goodbye!
I'll stop asking you why.
And I'll stop making you sigh.
You said you hate my personality,
Lemme fix my dysfunctionalities,
I got my prozac upped,
and dyed my hair red,
I remember everything that you've said,
I got some bangs too,
please sink in your teeth,
bite me with your fangs,
I'll be a sexy vampire bitch,
instead of a nasty wicked witch that I used to be.
I aint gonna complain,
this thing we got,
aint gonna be the same,
I will not cause you anymore pain,
make love to me in the rain!
I'd give up everything, especially this fame.
I'm a crackhead
awake all night,
thinking about you,
I dont know what to fuckin do,
Its been months and I'm all doped up,
Hell w this crazy ass bitch,
It makes me itch,
Since when the fuck could I spit?
Since Ive gone through this shit.
Artists are hurt,
I'm tormented,
I've thrown myself into dirt,
Im painting the walls dark,
surrounding myself in a place I aint tryna park,
the explosion of fireworks,
drops on a rollarcoaster ride,
You're an asshole, but you're not really a jerk,
Being with you is the perk!
Emily Dickinson can suck a dick,
She really dont know shit,
About an unrequitted love, a lost romance,
with you, you're the only one I'll dance,
Bitch would've shot herself in my shoes,
Aint no one ever been this blue,
Kudos to her for being proud and true,
but her heart never loved a man, like mine loves you.

rappin' to mah baby daddy

I spit the truth
in your face
hocked up like a loogy
this is how i boogie,
youre a snot,
i hope you rot
and my words make you cry,
all of my actions hurt you, why?
its my life
its running parallel against yours,
hear me fucking roar,
dont save me im an angel,
im a demon,
i dont want your nasty semon,
i cant listen to your sermons,
ill swim in the sea with the merman,
ill draw down the moon,
tonight!
yes thats how i fight!
everytime someones gotta tattle,
i gotta start a new god damned battle,
i used to be the good kid,
the smart one,
look at what ive become,
if i hafta sail through this shit storm,
youre gonna wish you were never born,
i will bring you down,
down to your fucking knees,
i will destroy you,
and the world, and
i wont ever let you be,
till i think ive caused enough damage,
and you've got backed up sewage,
call your roto rooter,
i flushed tampons down your septic,
dont be a skeptic,
you know who you're fucking with,
im not a walk away from the situation kind of bitch,
ill suprise you with levitation
this is my kind of mediation!
i'll watch you fall, smash into the ground,
the pieces of your body wont ever be found,
maybe dumped down a porter pot,
or fed to pigs,
dye or hair old man,
or get a wig,
all those grays showing isnt attractive,
drink your smooth move, you need some laxatives,
lose 10lbs of your belly weight,
more cargo, more freight,
you're my extra unnecessary baggage,
im throwing you to the savages,
cannibals can eat around the metal bars on your dick,
imma light the wick,
to this bomb and watch shit blow up
Whats up? You wanna hook up?
W a crazy ass biotch like dis?
Wanna knock me up and be a douche bag?
You're the one that'll end up the hag,
I got the kid, the love, im the shit,
I got the whole world on my back,
and you're fucking whacked.

Who I wanna B

I have little notepads all over the house with raps written in them. And notes, and reminders, and ideas. I try to encourage myself by writing "VEGAN, DETOX, VEGAN VEGAN VEGAN!!! LOSE SOME WEIGHT BITCH" I'm not really that fat. I just wanna be 125 or so. Not where I am at. I wanna be underweight, better than overweight. I wanna be skinny, I wanna wear size 5s. I think I wanna cook BBQ chicken today. I wonder who's going to get my job at work. I hope the only person that I know, that knows about this blog, that isn't supposed to read it, gets it. $11/hr is better than whatever photo techs make these days. But seriously, who the fuck wants that kind of responsibility? I am certain subconsciously I got fired on purpose because I wanted out of there. How many times did I say "I hope I get fired"? Every day. It was bound to happen. But what am i going to do now besides clean and blog? I gotta whoop my ass into shape and I gotta paint.

I think I smoked away my skillfull ability to write in proper grammar and motivation to write a book, because if anyones got the content for a book, it is i. Cant I just verbally tell someone my stories and have them write it for me?? I'll split the profits.

This is a note I left on my phone for myself.
I wanna be a vegan girl who works out 3x a week at a gym and tans who shops at whole foods co op and wegmans and weighs 130 or less. Burgundy hair, money in the bank, directly deposited and bills withdrawn on time. money coming in ballin' cute painting artist. I wanna hang out at claytopia and the art museum and starbucks. I wanna check out the little shops downtown ive never been in. I wanna go running. Nails done, hair did. Stylin'. Drawing, sketchin', doodlin'  bloggin' I wanna go on trips, excursions, I wanna see the whole fucking world and show it to my baby doll. i want her name tattooed on my wrist so thats what i'd have to cut through if I had to cut my wrist. Duh, I'd not do it! But its good logic. i also want the world tatooed on my shoulder cos thats where the world likes to chill out at, bitch. i want my moles removed, teeth fixed, porcelain veneers, straightening, and spacing.  Who is that person that I'm fighting to be?

no place to go but up!

Today I am now just getting up off the couch, and drinking my coffee.. I added a little bit, not even half of a shot, of firewater, so yeah I'm not a fucking alcoholic. I just wanted a taste of cinnamon in my coffee at 2:00 in the afternoon. The kitchen is a mess. I made johnny cakes earlier and burned half of them, but my daughter ate some so that's a blessing. She also ate a little bit of my cherry carmex. I was just listening to 90s Hits on the satalite dish. (Bill I haven't paid yet.) Streets of Philadelphia by Bruce Springstein. I'm spelling something wrong. I am well aware of it. Looking in the mirror and you dont know who the fuck you see. Thats me. I feel like the whole world is against me. I am too stubborn to let everyone else win. I will fall into the deepest pit, and watch me climb the fuck out of it and show all those motherfuckers whos got it made. Being fired is a blessing, because now I got all this time on my hands, time for motivation to build, time to exercise, and do a total body detox and rid myself of all these toxic preservatives, that have been in the shitty meals I've been making in a hurry cos now I got some time to cook proper healthy meals, and I got time to figure out how to be a vegetarian and a vegan, and time to make sure my nails are painted nicely. I'm going to lose mad weight, bitches, watch me go back to being my hotter than hot self.