Who I wanna B

I have little notepads all over the house with raps written in them. And notes, and reminders, and ideas. I try to encourage myself by writing "VEGAN, DETOX, VEGAN VEGAN VEGAN!!! LOSE SOME WEIGHT BITCH" I'm not really that fat. I just wanna be 125 or so. Not where I am at. I wanna be underweight, better than overweight. I wanna be skinny, I wanna wear size 5s. I think I wanna cook BBQ chicken today. I wonder who's going to get my job at work. I hope the only person that I know, that knows about this blog, that isn't supposed to read it, gets it. $11/hr is better than whatever photo techs make these days. But seriously, who the fuck wants that kind of responsibility? I am certain subconsciously I got fired on purpose because I wanted out of there. How many times did I say "I hope I get fired"? Every day. It was bound to happen. But what am i going to do now besides clean and blog? I gotta whoop my ass into shape and I gotta paint.

I think I smoked away my skillfull ability to write in proper grammar and motivation to write a book, because if anyones got the content for a book, it is i. Cant I just verbally tell someone my stories and have them write it for me?? I'll split the profits.

This is a note I left on my phone for myself.
I wanna be a vegan girl who works out 3x a week at a gym and tans who shops at whole foods co op and wegmans and weighs 130 or less. Burgundy hair, money in the bank, directly deposited and bills withdrawn on time. money coming in ballin' cute painting artist. I wanna hang out at claytopia and the art museum and starbucks. I wanna check out the little shops downtown ive never been in. I wanna go running. Nails done, hair did. Stylin'. Drawing, sketchin', doodlin'  bloggin' I wanna go on trips, excursions, I wanna see the whole fucking world and show it to my baby doll. i want her name tattooed on my wrist so thats what i'd have to cut through if I had to cut my wrist. Duh, I'd not do it! But its good logic. i also want the world tatooed on my shoulder cos thats where the world likes to chill out at, bitch. i want my moles removed, teeth fixed, porcelain veneers, straightening, and spacing.  Who is that person that I'm fighting to be?